Gotta get this out.
In the middle of the ultimate betrayal I hear the words......."I still love (insert name or pronoun here)". How does one love like that?
With anger brewing from the heart and the mind meddled in madness the thought of still loving is what comes out of the mouth. How does that happen?
In the middle of the confusion and in the confusion of all the questions the feeling of forgiveness is felt within every word that is spoken. Who is able to express such a feeling at such the time?
During the questioning as to why a choice or lack of choice was made, understanding is expressed and no accusations are made. Who is able to have that depth of forgiveness?
The pain has to be unbearable. The betrayal is extreme. When one that you trust to never betray you is the one that betrays you, this my friend is the ultimate form of betrayal. How does one submiss anger at such a time?
A single action of betrayal can cause a lifetime of hurt, so what does a lifetime of betrayal cause? How does one not instantly seek revenge?
The selfishness that has existed has caused pain to many, anguish to some, and hurt to all. How does one not be selfish at this time? How is not getting even make things equal?
When turning the other cheek is only going to bring more pain, who turns the other cheek?
I know the answer to all of these questions. And I have discovered a love that I have always known but never in the way that I came to know it today.
I only hope that somewhere, sometime, in someway I am able to love like that.
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My anger consumes me. My frustration weakens me. My pain causes numbness. My confusion leads me to even more frustration. My hurt is deep, it's a knife that is cutting through the foundations of everything I've ever known or believed. The sense of betrayal shuts my mind down because isolation is the only place of solace. I seek refuge in music but the songs are too simple. I seek refuge in seclusion but the voices in my mind are too loud. I seek refuge in my anger but the heat from within is a flame that I cannot control.
.......................................................................then I think of the love I've seen today and I release a long breath of air that I did not consume. That love takes nothing away from my being, but it makes everything well within my being.
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I will be strong
I will be patient
I will be angry
I will be hurt
I will love
I will wait
I will pray
I cannot stop any of these from happening. The circumstance demands that they all have to happen. I will allow them to happen, and I will ponder the love that I have seen today.
-dP-
